I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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