If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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