new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
