Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
