We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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