does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize