maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
