a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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