evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
