Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
