when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
