You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
