the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
