Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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