Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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