She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize