I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
