I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
