Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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