Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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