i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
soo... how was my night?
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