there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
