He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
