My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
