A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
