He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
