I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
