Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize