the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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