I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
