Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
