I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
