people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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