ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
