lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
