If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
