I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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