I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
