I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Blood and glitter go together right?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
