i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
