pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
