Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
