Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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