So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
