I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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