u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
