Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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