Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
