also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
