he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
