Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize