Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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