It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
