Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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