why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
