some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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