ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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