Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i think i just lost a toe
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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