i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize