Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
