The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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