mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
