the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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