I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
this hospital has no fireball
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize