You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
