dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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