where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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