He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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