Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
