i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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