She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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