where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This house was built for laser tag.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
