I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I AM VODKA MAN
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
