we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
