so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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