You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize