She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
