Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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