Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
