I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
