if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
