i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
