I accidentally burped into my bong.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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