Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
