this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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