Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
