The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
