I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
