if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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