i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
