Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
