I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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