at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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