I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
