ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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