Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
