WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
