So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
