My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
then he tried to convert me to islam
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
