I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
