I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
