I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize