I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
