Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
