I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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